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Louis Nowra Needs a Good Vajazzling

Generally speaking, cialis 40mg International Women’s Day, discount March 8, try is an occasion to which I pay little mind. This negligence is largely due to the fact of me being a lazy shit. And it does owe partially to my great phobia of joining. In 1979, Brown Owl flashed my non-regulation underwear as a caution to all assembled Guides. I have since reasoned that it is better to wrap one’s self in solitude than risk being multiply stung by the hive mind.

As I am terrified that the Sisters’ Army might want to examine my underwear, I tend to avoid IWD. In fact, I rarely give it a thought. The past week, however, has upchucked surprises sufficiently nasty to rev my angry parts. And these all, by chance, involve the feminine form.

I learned recently of the aesthetic practice: vajazzling. This, it seems, is an elective for those who have passed Advanced Brazilian. The female sex organ, bereft of its hair, is encrusted with crystals; Swarovski, of course. Apparently, demand outstripped supply when Jennifer Love Hewitt, a woman unencumbered by talent or charm, told press that she needed to paste jewels on her vagina in order to feel good about it.

Here, there are two salient conclusions to which one might be led. These are (a) the desire for visual perfection has become unmanageable and (b) any bitch who dislikes her own cunt so much as JLH needs to go to hospital.

As tempting as it is to disburse all time and thought on Love’s poonanny-loathing, it’s the broader implications of this twat-ritual that concern us today. Vajazzling has been greeted by many “liberated” women with the sort of You Go Girl finger snapping normally reserved for daytime television. Blogger Bryce Gruber is among the women who casually confuse sparkly flaps for “empowerment”.

I shan’t go on. Except to say, this shit makes Carrie Bradshaw read like Solanus. SCUM and the city.

Then, I learned of My New Pink Button.  This vaginal pigment has already exploded online and unchained a tsunami of disgust. So, I shan’t go on about that much longer either except to say: is there no feminine crevice immune to pimping?

And: I really can’t imagine anyone finding a tinsel covered cunt with a hot pink RGB value actually sexy.

At this point, I’d normally offer some details on my own grooming practice. But today I will refrain. I am not going to make a point about my own attractiveness or offer handy hints on hair removal. Because, it’s about time that the matter of a writer’s body was removed entirely from her text.

Which brings me to the third, and final, thing that prompted me to thought on IWD.

Forty years ago almost to the day, the scholar Germaine Greer showed us a new site for insurgency. It was on the female body.

“You might consider tasting your menstrual blood,” she dared her readers with The Female Eunuch. If in performing this test the revolutionary wannabe felt ill, she had, “a long way to go, baby”.

A confidence that baby would go a long way informed this scorching, funny polemic. When Greer wrote about the yoke of grooming or the fear of menses, she did so with a purpose in mind: to move the body and, by extension, identity to the hub of discourse. The refusal to relegate the self and its associated flesh to absence was, and remains, a central project of feminism; or of gender studies, as the specialty is now more broadly known.

To sound less like my failed undergraduate self: Greer said: I’m a woman. Here’s my tits and bits. Now that you’ve seen them, can we please get on with the business of living outside of “man” and “woman” as we have known these categories?

This fixation on the body was, in my reading, a project intended to remake woman as more than the sum of her looks; to free us from the fairytale idea that the true moral register of a woman is her appearance.

Last Friday, Australian magazine The Monthly published an essay on The Female Eunuch to “commemorate” the book’s fortieth anniversary. Here was an opportunity to contextualise what is arguably the most popular work ever written by an Australian public intellectual.

Instead, they decided to talk about how fucking ugly Greer is. Which she fucking isn’t. I hope I’m that hot at her age. But THIS is not, at all, the point.

This piece of shit was written by a piece of shit called Louis Nowra. And, it was commissioned by a very young piece of shit called Ben Naperstak, a twelve year old whose stewardship of the August Periodical might be kindly called uneven.

Basically, Nowra says: Greer bangs on about the body too much. Also, she is ugly and looks quite old. Besides which, my mother never read her book. And neither did a lot of other people’s mothers. Because, look, women are still obsessed by their own appearance. Did I mention that Germaine Greer was ugly?

If you don’t believe me, look here, here or here . But don’t whatever you do, buy this effing magazine. I want that little sack of shit editor sent back to nursery school for, not only, defecating on his intellectual heritage but saying crap like “political correctness is the enemy of intelligent debate” in Nowra’s defence. No, you little ungrateful shit, you’re the fucking enemy.

And your mate, Louis Nowra, who goes on and interminably on about Greer, who looks like a “demented grandmother”, being too optimistic. How could she possibly think women would change their attitudes viz. “young women today love shopping more than ever”.

What the fuck? Seriously. Nowra is saying: the world didn’t change, so she shouldn’t have bothered. Should we apply this logic to Kapital and bitch that Marx ever wrote it because, clearly, expansionist capitalism was just going to get more and more complex? Should we fling a big old poop on the Gettysburg Address while we’re at it and say: well, Abe, things are still pretty fucked for African Americans. You should never have said any of that.

As for going on about Greer’s appearance: eat me, you fucker. And wait until I have vajazzled in order that you may choke on the Swarovski crystals of my feminist unease. How fucking dare you not accord this writer and thinker her due? Without resorting to cheap jibes?

In this forum, by the way, I can be cheap. You, however, were paid, at the rate of one dollar a word, to write for a periodical that purports to be the voice of leftist fucking erudition. And what did you do? You did what all your blokey fucking mates have been doing with a little more elegance for years. To wit: you have reduced Greer to a desiccated caricature while claiming the detonation of “political correctness” to justify your out-and-out misogyny.

Greer attracts violent spittle of the type not because she is a polemicist, but because she has a cunt. Her every utterance or teeny, tiny OpEd column is the subject of scrutiny and fuel to the flame of what is, let it be said, pure hatred of feminism. I mean: Bob Ellis can vomit ad infinitum anything his cut price Shiraz provokes. And everyone says: Dear Old Bob And, as much as I adore him, Clive James can write an entire work while pulling his pud and his sanctity and his oeuvre remain intact.

Greer DARES to say what we’d all be thinking several months later on the occasion of Steve Irwin’s death and she is called a hag. She DARES to write an informed history on the young male as visual object and she is called a dried out old cougar.

Fuck off. She’s a bright and occasionally charming old ratbag who is far more erudite than most of what passes for an Australian “public intellectual” and should be fucking revered.

Greer may have done her utmost to change the world. Sadly, she was unable to undo the boring sexism that drives so many Australian female thinkers into silence.

Or vajazzling.

Fuck off. I’m going to paint my vagina.  We love doing that, we ladies. And shopping, too.

Happy Fucking International Fucking Women’s Day.

127 Responses to “Louis Nowra Needs a Good Vajazzling”

  1. helenrazer says:

    I ain’t nobody’s mommy, Téa. Beside which, you little sow, I’m only ten years older than you. Good thing you’re so good at building websites. Otherwise, I’d have to put you in the spam folder.

  2. Ethel Merman says:


  3. helenrazer says:

    @Alex If you could, in the simplest possible terms, explain the point of Nowra’s sad little ejaculation, I’d be all latex covered ears. What was it that I refused to get?
    And, I’ve never had adoring fans nor, for that matter, a particularly easy time of it professionally.
    As you are attacking me personally, I will respond personally: I am not delusional when it comes to my intelligence, writing or broadcasting skills. I know my work can be uneven and is not to the taste of all. However, it’s a truckload better than a lot of the crap we endure in this nation.
    I suspect that women with a certain swagger are permitted very little public space after the age of 35. Just like women in the real world, women of top-down media become invisible.
    So, in short, bugger off. This is my blog. I bought the webspace and got a friend to code it gratis. If you don’t like reading that women remain marginalised and are allowed a voice only under very particular conditions, then don’t. I am very easy to avoid. I am, after all, over 35. And blogging for free when that little shit from The Monthly should be paying me a dollar a word.

  4. Moira says:

    Hoo bloody ray for Razer

    Only in Australia does such misogynist merde pass for ‘commentary’ on Germaine Greer, public intellectual and woman of valour.

  5. Fiona says:

    I love you for writing this Helen. I truly do!!!
    I am bedazzling my husbands dick in your honour.

  6. helenrazer says:

    Please, Fiona. When you have applied rhinestones to your husband’s parts, send me a picture for publication. For the Sisterhood, you understand.

  7. disco says:

    Greer went on “Celebrity Big Brother”.

    I’m just sayin’

    • helenrazer says:

      As did Nowra. Repeatedly.
      As I recall, Clive James interviewed several strippers in the course of his talk show career. I enjoyed the combustion of Cultural Theorist and pap immensely. And, I’m certain I would have found seeing Greer, who left the house in a huff, going head-to-head with Sly Stallone’s mum equally invigorating. I’m just shitty I can’t find it on utorrent.

  8. Bruno says:

    Helen, this is a great piece of writing, insightful, sharp, and very crafty. This is polemics at its bets. I did also like your last contribution to Unleashed on the Mardi Gras parade.

    As a flip side to Vajazzling,I’d love to read about what you think of the Burqa, as both are forms of submission to various gods.

    • helenrazer says:

      Bruno. As a western woman, I really don’t think it’s my place to comment on the dress of women in the east. At all. I just don’t. And I think western women spend far too much time banging on about the topic. This derives either from boredom or an unwillingness to look at their own plight. Anyhow. I have written on the topic.

  9. Jet says:

    I feel much better about my day now. I seriously needed that. Happy fucking International Women’s Day to you, too.

  10. Lou Robson says:

    Louis Nowra is an intellectual chihuahua (not that there’s anything wrong with chihuahuas) compared to the mighty Germs’ towering Jack Russell of an intellect.

    The best way to mark the anniversary of The Female Eunuch would be to go out and buy brand new copies (to supplement Germaine’s retirement fund) and give them to impressionable young women of your acquaintance.

    You never know, it might persuade them that their brains should always be the most dazzling part of their anatomy.

    Well said Helen, many thanks.

  11. Bruno says:

    Helen, not thinking so much about over there, but in Australia, France, UK, Europe etc… The debate is particularly lively and interesting in Europe. I’ll read your piece with interest. Thanks.

  12. MC says:

    Thank you SO much for writing this.

  13. juliepinkham says:

    thrilling essay Ms Razer; hilarious and right on!

  14. What feminism means to me: aka ‘looking for empowerment at the bottom of a Chanel purse’. says:

    […] have agonised all day, trying to think of an angle for a post for International Women’s Day. Helen Razer just rocked it’s socks off and I like to think that I can ride on those coat tails and take some credit… you know… […]

  15. Happy International Women’s Day – Does My Sassiness Upset You? says:

    […] haven’t checked out the distinctly full-of-attitude and piece-of-her-uncensored-mind given by Helen Razer, just in time for International Women’s Day called Louis Nowra Needs a Good Vajazzling then perhaps you should be clicking that link to learn […]

  16. Best sentence of 2010 to date… « Fuck Politeness says:

    […] March 9, 2010 Best sentence of 2010 to date… And wait until I have vajazzled in order that you may choke on the Swarovski crystals of my feminist… […]

  17. Ms Eirinn says:

    In defence of vajazzling, at least modern women have more income (female wage still at only 82% of the male full time wage) to choose to do it, and the freedom of choice, and a whole market of spangly goodies for our more financially empowered women to financially disempower themselves on. But I wouldn’t do it in a ‘pink’ fit and the whole mental image of it and the other curious procedures mentioned here make me want to hurl.

    And why the fuck would anyone hire Louis Nowra to comment on a 20th century classic written by an intellectual giant?

    But what I’d really like to ask, as International Women’s Day draws to a close, is how can there be post-feminism when the work of feminism isn’t yet done? Only a small percentage of the world’s women have felt the benefits of feminism, and they are mostly middle class or above and white. And still the priveliged women are not paid equally, nor are they safe from sexual harassment or sexual violence, nor are women’s medical services anywhere near good enough and then there’s the continuing battle for reproductive rights. But imagine how it is for the women of India, Afghanistan, the mid east, Africa, Asia, okay most of the globe.

    I’ll be a feminist a long time yet. And Louis Nowra will be sleeping peacefully in his white male privilege.

  18. Happy Fucking International Womens Day « blue milk says:

    […] Razer does not always delight me but she rants good here about that pathetic little piece from Louis Nowra in The Monthly. Last Friday, Australian magazine […]

  19. Echidne of the snakes says:

    What a great rant! Thanks for it.

  20. Ben Pobjie says:

    Oh how marvellous you are.

  21. Len says:

    My wife was kind enough to forward this article, made my morning! I first came across Germers in a copy of some tacky porn magazine in the early seventies. Then I grew some hair and read her work.
    In college I was introduced to the Town Bloody Hall debate. I love Germaine, she rocks like a vegan in a meat locker, and its great to rediscover Ms Razer, you remind me there is hope.
    Real girls tattoo the minge.

  22. Vashti says:

    What shits me most (apart from my sub to the Monthly) is that they provide little or no space for correspondence or reply to this crap. Could you demand right of reply at a buck a word Helen? Or would it be a waste of your time?

  23. hughesy says:

    Bwahahahahahahahaha BRILLIANT

    I am so blogging this – fantastic.

  24. Karen says:

    Because of Germaine I really don’t give a shit about dolts like Nowra. That has been her gift to me.

  25. Stefan says:

    Bravo Helen.

    Oh the irony of attacking GG’s looks.
    The Irony, it burns, it burns.

  26. My Germaine Greer post, a day late « Chasing My Own Tail says:

    […] is why I find Helen Razer’s attack on ‘Vajazzling’ a little confusing, when she was supposed to be defending women’s rights in light of the […]

  27. cath pope says:

    The Monthly gives me cramps

  28. TianLi says:

    Thank you, Helen.
    I wonder if much thought went into the statement that women love shopping more than ever? Perhaps it is because of the efforts of 2nd wave feminists like Greer that women are participating in the paid workforce more than ever before and therefore better able to afford self-funded shopping sprees, or in sparkly things, if that’s what they’re into.

  29. Anna Gibson says:

    Thank you Helen – love your measured defense of probably Australia’s greatest philosopher.
    C-t hatred is alive and well, innit?

  30. Jube says:

    just discovered your darn fine blog and this piece of writing cum rant is exceptional!
    Let rip!

  31. Michael says:

    Awesome post, Helen. I couldn’t believe that Nowra’s trash was commissioned or published. His vajazzling requires a hot glue gun as far as I’m concerned.

  32. anon says:

    If you watch the video, JLH doesn’t say anything about “vajazalling” like the sentiments you put in her mouth. She certainly didn’t say she needed the vajazzling to feel good about herself or her vagina.

    That’s you and your own distortion field.

    I note from your about page you are wearing some form of plunging neckline, presumbably because you are pimping your tits to feel good about your dirty pillows.

    It’s hard to take you seriously as anything other than a hypocritical dipshit.

    • helenrazer says:

      What are dirty pillows? Are they unclean labia?
      Aren’t my breasts wonderful?
      Anyhoo. Good to see someone is fighting the good fight on behalf of Love. Someone who is either actually from Phoenix, Arizona at or some Australian so fearful of my “dirty pillows” that they elected to comment via proxy.
      Whatever the case: You Go Girl and maintain the rage for Important Issues.

  33. Matt says:

    Helen, I agree with your point unreservedly, but I think it’s a shame you have to resort to belittling the Monthly’s editor because of his age. Judge him on his actions, not his age.

    Mocking him as a “12-year-old” is like me writing about the editorship of a woman and saying, “of course she’d commission such-and-such a piece, because she’s an old hag”.

    Young people, like women, deserve to be thought of as individuals, and judged on their actions.

    • helenrazer says:

      Sure. But, I wrote a blog post. Not a piece for critical review paid at a Nowra rate. On my own webspace in my own time, I can be as silly as I wish if I feel it will raise a smile.
      I note Anne Summers also made mention of Ben’s youth in her piece for The Age. She, on the other hand, might want to be a little more careful in the forum of print.
      The plain fact is: the guy is a shit editor. Regardless of his age. He has screwed up magnificently several times. I don’t care if it is due to naivete or innate malfunction when he said, “political correctness is the enemy of intellectual debate”. I just know that he said it.
      And I know that my references to his age were scant. It just amused me to say “nursery school”. Again, something I would never think of offering in print or more “traditional” online fora.
      And I know that he enacted, in the fashion of much older men, a reflex of which I have become very tired. Viz. To critique a woman solely on the basis of her looks and, by extension, age. Moreover, one of the most widely read Australian intellectuals in history.
      Naparstek doesn’t need defence from your or I. Unless, of course, we’re trying to pitch to him. We’d better get in fast. It’s only a matter of time before Schwarz realises his mistake in appointing an unqualified man to the post.
      I have no problem with someone 16 years my junior. I just have a problem with this twit in particular.
      The New Yorker editor, a 26 year old Australian, seems to be doing a fine job, btw. I have nothing but admiration for her.

  34. Rebekka says:


  35. newswithnipples says:

    Do you think Nowra has actually read anything by Greer? Or did he just look her up on Google images and base his whole critique on the fact that she’s not 21 anymore?

  36. To the Wolves » Blog Archive » Razer on Nowra on Greer says:

    […] Razer has written a brilliant takedown on Louis Nowra’s Monthly article “commemorating” the 40th anniversary of The […]

  37. Henry Salivator says:

    You are living proof that education is wasted on women.
    Your argument against Nowra is nothing more than abuse and swearing. No argument, no logic, no facts. He may be wrong. He may be unreasonable, but he provides some substantiation.
    The fact remains, Greer is and was a shrewish, opportunistic, raving, pseudo-intellectual, pompous, arrogant, privileged, confused, hypocritical ballbreaker. Anyone who admires her is a twat or naive or brainwashed. And that of course, includes most of your readers. Uneducated or more appropriately… over-educated asexual ballbusting twats.

  38. Snooty_Farkleboob says:

    Would it be too early in our relationship to ask you to marry me, Helen? You put words to my rage.

  39. Jaa says:

    Oh. I’ve missed you. X

  40. Kvinnodagen! « Hälsa är mer än en siffra says:

    […] Helen Razer skriver om internationella kvinnodagen och varför hon normalt sett inte bloggar om den … […]

  41. mercia deane-johns says:

    mercia deane-johns wrote:
    One should imagine if Louis Nowra had a cunt, he’d probably never put it away. It wouldn’t be bejewelled however, because he’s probably also got a tight ass.
    Not the most attractive of men even at his best. One of those pseudo intellectuals who are proud of failing university,and can lead with their bent boring dicks that no-one in their right minds would want to photograph, let alone bejewel.
    Ms Greer is a threat to supposed thinking men. Not only does she have all thegood things life has to offer, breasts and a cunt, she also has a brain, still unforgivable in the 21st century.
    Show us your cock Louis, or is that the source of your rage?

  42. Carla says:

    anyone who refers to their vagina as their ‘vajayjay’ needs to be put down.

  43. PaulRobert says:

    Thank you so much for this article. I literally felt nauseous with anger when I read of Nowra’s vile and disgustingly misogynistic character assassination. And then I read this piece on Crikey (via Ben Pobjie’s satire piece on New Matilda) and felt encouraged and hopeful.

    And Ben Naperstak, you can fuck off – I will never purchase The Monthly again.

  44. hughesy says:

    Henry, you’re joking, right?
    If not, you are one.

  45. Stafford Ray says:

    Maybe it’s because I am about the same age as GG, I always thought her attractive, even sexy. However, back then when the book was published, I was advised to buy the book by a colleague and had no idea what she looked like. Brought up in a right wing Christian, paternalistic sect, but working as a teacher alongside talented articulate intelligent women, I was challenged by the Female Eunuch to try to understand the basic lack of respect for female intelligence as expressed in unequal pay and slower or non existent rise to executive positions, apart from basic lack of respect.
    The cover picture was so spot on, a slip-on female body-bits suit hanging up ready to be put on by me if I chose to go there.
    Well, it did create a process in me that is ongoing and has enriched my relationships with women since. As a bloke, I do appreciate feminine beauty. However, my friends have always been chosen for other reasons, like how comfortable I feel in their presence and never really think about their (physical) beauty or lack of it in the Hollywood sense.
    After reading Female Eunuch I remember thinking then how liberating it was for men too. That idea was not received well by my mates, including some females but I couldn’t see how men could ever enjoy equality while women were denied it.
    Female Eunuch was an attitude breaking book of its time and for me, an attitude changer.
    I didn’t see the Nowra article, but as he apparently had something disparaging to say about GG’s looks, he desperately needs to read the book!

  46. vivienne wynter says:

    Ratio on this and the Crikey website of intelligent and witty and supportive commentry on Helen’s piece to nasty personal attacks which make no real point: about 10:1.

    Probably a better ratio than you’d find in almost any publication, anywhere in Australia Thanks for not only a great read Helen, but the comments have been almost as much fun. It warms the cockles of my heart to know that (most of you) are out there.

  47. Sarah says:

    Fuck yeh. Thanks

  48. helenrazer says:

    More than a century of comments? Youse are all Teh Awes. Well, nearly all of you. I can’t imagine I’d get on terribly well with the vajazzle marketeers who stopped by. Or those who confused a desire to shift the boundaries of gender a bit with “man hating”. Beyond that, thank you. My chiffon and wig are wet with tears of embarrassed gratitude. Further thankyouse here

  49. Michele B says:

    Well said Helen,

    I was sickened by that article , if Germaine was an old man she would lauded as an Aussie icon[ hate that much misused word].

    Why attack a work that was written in 1970 ?
    Because most of what she wrote disnt come to fruition ..duh !!
    Who will read Nowras’ garbage in 40 years ??

  50. suziwong66 says:

    thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

    I adore Germaine with all of my being. I wish my mother had read her! Instead, I shall do for my daughters, what my mother didn’t do for me and that is raise them to love and respect their bodies and brains and ignore the fucking mysogynists like Nowra, in our world.

    Ms Greer is and has been the MOST powerful female role model in my life. I’m thankful for her intellect, daily! And she’s one hot lady that i aspire to be like when I’m her age!

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