This place is a boneyard. Apologies for the evidence of untidy death. Regrettably, defence of a vanity site from undead bots is beyond this fragile lady and, really, if I see one more automated promise of extended credit or penis, I’ll faint then possibly vom.
You can find proof-of-life by subscribing to my irregular newsletter right here:

You can find me writing in reasonable health over at Patreon or talking at unreasonable volume on a podcast called Knackers & the Vadge. Find it at iTunes or any place wont to distribute no-cost noise.

I have published a book and another book in the past year or so. Each is available on the Amazon whatsit narrated by me. Yes. Amazon. I know. Sucks the living labour like a vampire. But, what can you do?

I’ll tell you what you can’t do: exploit my labour badly and escape a telling-off.

Use my email address, helenATbadhostessDOTcom, to propose a ridiculous arrangement. Please, don’t be a for-profit fuckwit and ask me to work at no charge. As though capitalism is not already the vampire that feasts on dead labour.